Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
