wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
