i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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