So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
