Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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