Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
