you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
