his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
