i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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