So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
