You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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