Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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