were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
