I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
