omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
