Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i now understand why vodka
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
