i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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