It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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