i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize