Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
