85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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