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Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
tell me about the eggs
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