At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
