I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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