before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
