how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've blown a few things in my day
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
