We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
