you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
