apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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