put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
