i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
