Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
