I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
