Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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