I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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