I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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