It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
