Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a beard to bite.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
