just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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