I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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