do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My pussy is not your playground.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
