Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
