I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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