And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
