so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
