the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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It's official drugs can't kill me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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