I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
