I feel like abortions should bother me more
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
