Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
