I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
