Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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