There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
