good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
