He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
