dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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