we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
