Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
