I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
