I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
