I cut my penus on the lid.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
