fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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