i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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