I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
