dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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