like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
