Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
