so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
