he thought i was a dude.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
nutella sex= disaster
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
