Your mouth is God's brothel.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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