so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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