Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
