I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
