I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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