Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
