Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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