She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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